Hot Coffee on the Highway
It's embarrassing that I've been in an MFA program for Creative Non-Fiction for a year and I'm just getting around to dusting off my blog. Thanks to the fact that I have three Google accounts, it took me 10 minutes to sign out of one identity, retrieve my password, create a new more cryptic password, that I will ultimately forget in 10 minutes, and then sign into my blog. Whew, I'm tired.
Is it a sense of accomplishment that I have three Google accounts; one for work, one for personal and one that I created after my father passed away to collect messages from people who read his obituary in the newspaper or online? No. It just makes my life more complicated.
Is it a sense of accomplishment that after years of wanting to write for myself that I applied for and was accepted to an MFA program? I know I should consider this an accomplishment but instead, I believe the reason I was accepted was due to the fact that I already worked at that particular higher education institution. Full disclosure, I suffer from imposter syndrome.
All my life I've struggled to find my own merit. As a child, if I colored outside the lines on the page I would scrap the whole picture and move on to the next. Everything had to be perfect or it wasn't good enough, which lead to me quitting a lot of things over the years. I quit sports, school plays, learning Science and Math (I really wish I had kept up with those). My first instinct is to give up when things become challenging which is why I probably haven't felt successful or accomplished.
However, that all changed about a month ago. As part of my MFA program, I participated in a 10-day writing seminar in Dingle, Ireland at the end of July. I'll admit that when I made the decision to go on the trip it was less about the writing and more about my need to have a vacation alone but what I took away from it was so much more than I'd expected.
From the moment my plane touched down in Dublin, I was on my own. I'd made the decision to drive from Dublin to Dingle in a rental car. A four and a half hour trek, driving on the opposite side of the road. I even arranged to pick up a classmate and her daughter along the way. Normally I don't share anything with people I've barely met and here I was accepting passengers on a journey across Ireland. Who was I?
During the writing seminar, I received positive and constructive feedback on my pieces, which meant a great deal because the subject matter was incredibly personal. At the end of those 10 days, I truly felt like I had found my voice as a writer and felt accomplished in the fact that I had made the right decision to pursue writing not only as a hobby but possibly as a career.
More importantly, perfection is no longer the monkey on my back. While driving from Dingle back to Dublin at the end of the trip, I spilled an entire cup of scalding coffee on myself. I slammed on the brakes in the middle of the M7 while screaming bloody murder and almost caused a massive pileup. Clearly, I wasn't meant to achieve driving success and I won't be featured on the next episode of Top Gear but there's a bigger lesson.
I've learned that life is messy, imperfect and the goals that you set for yourself should be flexible. Success and accomplishment will come on your terms if you accept that there will be some stumbles along the way. Color outside the lines but don't scrap the bigger picture.
Is it a sense of accomplishment that I have three Google accounts; one for work, one for personal and one that I created after my father passed away to collect messages from people who read his obituary in the newspaper or online? No. It just makes my life more complicated.
Is it a sense of accomplishment that after years of wanting to write for myself that I applied for and was accepted to an MFA program? I know I should consider this an accomplishment but instead, I believe the reason I was accepted was due to the fact that I already worked at that particular higher education institution. Full disclosure, I suffer from imposter syndrome.
All my life I've struggled to find my own merit. As a child, if I colored outside the lines on the page I would scrap the whole picture and move on to the next. Everything had to be perfect or it wasn't good enough, which lead to me quitting a lot of things over the years. I quit sports, school plays, learning Science and Math (I really wish I had kept up with those). My first instinct is to give up when things become challenging which is why I probably haven't felt successful or accomplished.
However, that all changed about a month ago. As part of my MFA program, I participated in a 10-day writing seminar in Dingle, Ireland at the end of July. I'll admit that when I made the decision to go on the trip it was less about the writing and more about my need to have a vacation alone but what I took away from it was so much more than I'd expected.
From the moment my plane touched down in Dublin, I was on my own. I'd made the decision to drive from Dublin to Dingle in a rental car. A four and a half hour trek, driving on the opposite side of the road. I even arranged to pick up a classmate and her daughter along the way. Normally I don't share anything with people I've barely met and here I was accepting passengers on a journey across Ireland. Who was I?
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| The hills are alive! My best Sound of Music impression, the Ireland edition. Photo taken by: Heidi Fettig Parton |
More importantly, perfection is no longer the monkey on my back. While driving from Dingle back to Dublin at the end of the trip, I spilled an entire cup of scalding coffee on myself. I slammed on the brakes in the middle of the M7 while screaming bloody murder and almost caused a massive pileup. Clearly, I wasn't meant to achieve driving success and I won't be featured on the next episode of Top Gear but there's a bigger lesson.
I've learned that life is messy, imperfect and the goals that you set for yourself should be flexible. Success and accomplishment will come on your terms if you accept that there will be some stumbles along the way. Color outside the lines but don't scrap the bigger picture.
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