Everything I do ...

Recently I watched the updated version of "Robin Hood" starring Russell Crowe. I wanted to see the movie in the theater but never made it and resorted to watching it at home. I had such high expectations because I was unabashedly in love with the 1991 version "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves."

I can't say that I hated this version of "Robin Hood," don't get me wrong Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe have collaborated on some great films. However, I didn't fall in love with it and these are the reasons why:

1.) Bryan Adams did not write a kick-ass love song for this film. ("Everything I do, I do it for you" was an amazing song, not to mention the first song I slowed danced to with a boy.)

2.) This movie did not include Christian Slater, Morgan Freeman, and most importantly, Alan Rickman. (The actor who played the Sheriff of Nottingham in this movie was most certainly not up to the cheeky standards of Rickman, not even close.)

3.) Russell Crowe had a semi-believable accent. (He's Australian which means that he can easily switch over to a 13th century English brogue. Half the fun of "Prince of Thieves" is pin-pointing the moment in the movie where Kevin Kostner just completely gives up on feigning an accent.)

4.) Not enough damsel in distress. (I love Cate Blanchett and I think she is a phenomenal actress. She's known for playing strong-willed women. I want a distressed maid Marian screaming from the top of a castle tower "ROBIN" as the sheriff is trying his best to defile her.)

5.) Little John was neither a lead character nor an endearing gentleman. (Kevin Durand, the actor who played John, is known for playing a bad guy in every other role he's landed. Plus, where was the awesome long stick battle in the middle of the river????)

6.) Russell Crowe is not good looking anymore. (Kevin Kostner sucks as an actor but he was good to look at in 1991, the 2010 version of Russell Crowe is just down-right scary!)

7.) King Richard is hideous. (At the end of "Prince of Thieves" the audience gasps as the immortally handsome Sean Connery is introduced as King Richard the Lionheart. So what if history has revealed the actual King Richard to be an absent king who died on the battlefield having never brought his country any glory -- Sean Connery heals all wounds and hearts.)

8.) Robin Hood's merry men were stinking drunks who bedded the town whores. (I'm all for drinking and having a good time, but at least in "Prince of Thieves" time spent dancing by the fire in Sherwood Forest was for Kevin Kostner to make his move on Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.)

9.) Where the hell is Duncan? (This movie could have sorely used a blind old man other than Sir Walter of Lockseley to advance this storyline.)

10.) No hangings. (The best part about "Prince of Thieves" was when Robin and his merry men thwarted the sheriff's plans for a public hanging. Azeem was bad-ass during that point in the movie ... give Morgan Freeman his due.)

Yes, after reading this you now know how obsessed I am with "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" but I challenge you to sit down and watch all 156 minutes (director's cut) of this "Robin Hood" and not think the same things!